About Mother’s Day

We know that Mother’s Day can be a wonderful celebration for all those moms out there, but it can also be a really hard day for many people, for many different reasons in this community. For those who have lost mothers… Those who have absent or broken relationships with their mothers… Those who have lost babies or children… And those facing infertility or childlessness too.

5 ideas for Mother’s Day

So this year, we’ve been thinking about some tips & ideas for how we can all help to make it a more kind, sensitive and inclusive experience for all. This list is far from exhaustive, but here’s 5 simple ideas to help get you started.

1.     Give yourself grace

If you are personally struggling with Mother’s Day for any reason this year, make sure you give yourself plenty of grace for how you are feeling. Know that it’s okay to not okay; to mark or not mark the occasion; and to lean into or to avoid any celebration with family and friends. Try to be really honest with those around you about how you are feeling over this impending date. If you are feeling anxious or worried about how well you will be able to cope, be honest about it and let those around know what you need. You are not being difficult - your feelings are legitimate, this really is a hard day!

Extra note to supporters:

If you are aware that someone else in your family or social circle might find this day hard for any reason, whether that’s due to infertility, loss or something else, then please do try to do everything you can to extend extra grace and give permission to them to be exactly where they are. Let them opt in or out as they feel able, without pressure or judgement.

2.     Leave space for grief

It’s so easy to feel the pressure to be ‘over’ your grief after a certain amount of time has passed following a loss of a parent or child or loved one, but the truth is that grief is not a linear process and healing is much more incremental than this. Be mindful that days like this can sometimes re-trigger or heighten our sense of loss or anger or disappointment, sometimes even years after ‘the event’. Know that it’s okay take time to cry, to journal, to be alone with your thoughts, or to talk about your loss with others. Make space for your grief if you need to. Don’t be tempted to bottle it all up or just put on a brave face.

Extra note to supporters:

Don’t ever assume that someone is ‘over it’ - even if a lot of time has passed on, or they seem like they’re fine most of the time. Try to be sensitive to the fact that dates like this can still be incredibly hard - even many years on.  The sting will certainly lessen with time, but miscarriage and infertility are experiences with real consequences that can remain for a whole lifetime.

3.     Consider small gifts & gestures

Consider any family members or friends who might find Mother’s Day difficult because of childlessness, infertility, loss of a parent/partner, or because of miscarriage, singleness, divorce, or something else. How can you bless them on this difficult date? Is there any way you could include them in your own Mother’s Day celebration in some way? Could you invite them into your own family gathering? Or if that might be too difficult for them, perhaps get your kids to send them a card or gift, recognising that they have also helped to mother your kids in some way? Or if you know a couple going through loss or infertility, why not gift them with flowers, a card, a care bundle, or an undated restaurant voucher to remind them that you haven’t forgotten them & are standing with them in their struggles?

I bet everyone has someone in their life who is facing at least one of these things - so this really is something that everyone can do and make a real difference through!

4.     Be mindful & inclusive

Another way that we can all help to make Mother’s Day less difficult for those who are struggling is simply by being more mindful of this in our conversations, our comments, and our social media posts around this date. For example, instead of just posting pictures of your kids on social media and declaring to the world how wonderful it is being a mum, why not try a more inclusive tact instead? How about posting a message honouring ALL of the women who have helped ‘mother’ your kid in some way? And if you are involved in a church or community group, why not suggest/ask for the Mother’s Day service or activities are designed to honour all women rather than just those who are birth mothers?

5.     Recognise all ‘mothers’ in your life

Finally, why not plan to intentionally honour all those women who have played any kind of important mothering role in your life this Mother’s Day? Why not re-claim this difficult calendar date as an opportunity to think about which women in your life have loved you well or invested into you in some way? Why not send them each a gift card or thank you note honouring them for their input in your life over the years, and reminding them of how much you value them?

This could include a biological mother, a mother-in-law, a step-mother, adoptive or foster parent, but it could also include some less obvious ‘mothers’ too, such as older friends, youth leaders, mentors and life coaches, and spiritual mothers too.

Join the conversation…

These are just a few ideas to help get you thinking about how we reframe the idea of Mother’s Day - both for those who find Mother’s Day difficult, and for those who find it a joy. Do you have any other ideas too? If so, let us know!

Together,  we can really begin to change the conversation for women who might be left feeling a bit marginalised, misunderstood, forgotten, or left behind on this calendar date…