Advice for coping with Christmas
How are you doing this December?
We know that it’s meant to be ‘the most wonderful time of the year’ - but when you’re struggling with infertility or loss, it can easily feel like a season of anxiety or dread instead. There’s nothing quite like being surrounded by other people’s excitement and joy, for highlighting your own disappointment or grief…
The Christmas season can also be a time that’s so full of expectations - both our own, and those of family and friends. But we want to remind everyone in this community that it’s okay not to be okay - even at this time of the year.
You have permission to be exactly where you are - to feel however you feel - and to opt in or out of festive activities as much as you need to this year. And here’s a few extra little tips from our team that might help:
1. It’s okay not to be okay.
Perhaps everyone around you is getting festive, but you’re finding it difficult to summon up any real joy in this season.
Remember: It's okay to feel sad, flat, disappointed, angry, or any other range of emotions you may be feeling.
What you're experiencing is not your fault, and it’s important to be real about where you are right now - so try to be honest with your family and friends.
2. Lower your expectations.
December is month that’s usually pretty full of festive activities and parties and gatherings - but you might find that you need to lower your expectations about how much you can commit to this year.
Be realistic about what you can manage. Don’t be afraid to slow down, to take on fewer commitments and to make sure that you pace yourself well, as you continue to process what you are going through.
3. It’s okay to say no.
Know that it's also okay to say 'no' to certain parties and social events altogether if you need to - even if that means pulling out last minute because you’re having a bad day.
Don't worry too much about disappointing friends or loved ones down. The people who love you will understand if you simply explain that you’re just not feeling up to it today…
4. You have permission to be a bit selfish.
Often Christmas comes with lots of expectations from lots of different family, friends and loved ones. But this year your first priority should be looking after you and your partner as you navigate this difficult time. So right at the outset on this season, give yourself permission to be a bit selfish.
Remember: It won’t always be like this every Christmas, but this year you need to be kind to yourself, to avoid those family situations that feel very triggering, and practice lots of good self care.
5. It’s healthy to remember
If you’ve had a loss (at any stage), you may want to mark and remember that experience at this time of the year. And even if other people around you suggest that it’s morbid or don’t fully understand, be reassured that remembering is a healthy part of processing your grief.
So whether that's hanging a little baby memory or ornament on the tree, laying out an extra stocking over the fire place, or something else entirely, if you have a desire to create that memory - then do it. You could even make it into an annual tradition.
6. It’s okay to be okay too.
As much as we’ve said that it’s okay to not be okay over Christmas - please know that the reverse is also true. Grief is complex and rarely linear, so having both good days and bad days is normal.
And if you happen to be having some good days over the Christmas, or are enjoying the distractions and busyness of the season - then just go with it! The last thing you need to feel is guilty about feeling okay…
So in summary, be where you are. Because wherever you are, is okay…