Supporting men after miscarriage
It can be easy for men to feel overlooked after pregnancy loss, since most of the care naturally gravitates around women.
So this Father’s Day we decided to make a few suggestions for simple ways that friends and family can help support men in the aftermath of miscarriage, infant loss or ongoing fertility struggles…
1. Text, call or message
Just regularly send a little message to let him know you’re thinking of him and are always available if he wants to talk.
2. Offer to take him out for a beer
You don’t even need to talk about what’s going on specifically. He may not want to talk about it, and often just offering male company is enough, but also be available to listen if he does.
3. Take him to the cinema
Why not suggest going to watch a ‘boy’ movie (translation: action/marvel superheroes) that their wife won’t want to see? You don’t have to talk at all, but it might help take their mind off things. Trust me, this is actually doing both partners a favour!
4. Buy him a little ‘man’ gift
In my experience, there are normally endless gifts of flowers and chocolates and little hampers for the women, but nothing specially designed for him. How about a six pack of beer, some bbq steaks, a funny book, some Amazon vouchers, or whatever his jam may be… ?! A gift doesn’t need to be expensive, it just needs to say that you care.
5. Offer to babysit
This is such a simple thing, but a huge blessing as it means that the couple can get out and have some space and time together to relax and talk, without all the distractions of being at home if they already have other kids.
6. Take over a pre-prepared meal…
Take a meal over. Or if you don’t cook, just grab a takeaway and take it round. Returning to work straight after a loss can be hard on a guy, and it just helps to lift off one extra responsibility, especially in those very early days.
7. Offer to go round and help them with that DIY thing
Not only will that help the whole family out practically, but men often find it easier to bond and talk over doing physical things like mending something or painting a room. So create that space!
8. Buy him a voucher to support some self-care
This could be for a massage treatment or a male grooming session, a book or music voucher, or even just dragging him out with you for a run or to the gym.
9. lnvite him to do something fun with a group of friends
Whether that’s watching the football, going to a gig, or visiting a climbing wall, getting him out to do ordinary, fun stuff with friends will help him feel more himself. And doing it as a group also takes the pressure off too…
10. Encourage him to talk to a professional
Men tend to struggle to talk openly about their problems as much as women. So if you sense that he’s struggling, why not encourage him to see a counsellor or therapist. You could even research into it, or recommend someone that you already know to make it as easy as possible.
Blog by Anna Kettle