Reframing Mother’s Day
Are you dreading mother’s day?
For many women who have sadly lost babies or children, and for those who haven’t had the chance to become a mother… this calendar date can be really painful.
So this Mother’s Day, as well as celebrating all of those hard working mums out there, let’s also try holding some space for those who find this day hard.
After all, there’s more than one way to be a mother to others in this world…
Below are a few ideas for how to create a more inclusive Mother’s Day which better reflects the many different ways that women are mothers in this world…
1. Take it easy!
If you struggle with Mother’s Day personally for any reason, give yourself grace to be okay or not okay, to mark it or not mark it, and to celebrate it or not celebrate it with other family and friends as you feel able to.
Be honest with those around you about how you are feeling, and tell them what you need. You don’t have to go to that big family do this year if it feels too much.
And if you are aware that someone else in your family or social circle might be finding this day hard, then make sure you are mindful of how hard it might be. Do everything you can to show them love and extend extra grace.
2. Leave space for grief
It’s so easy to feel the pressure to be ‘over’ a loss after a few months, but grief is not a linear process and healing is usually much more slow and gradual than that.
Be mindful that days like this can sometimes re-trigger or heighten our sense of loss or anger or disappointment. So take time to cry if you need to, to journal and be alone with your thoughts, or to talk about your loss with others.
Whatever you need, make space for your grief. Don’t be tempted to bottle it all up or just put on a brave face.
3. Consider small gifts & gestures
Consider if you might have a family member or friend who might find Mother’s Day difficult because of childlessness, infertility, loss, or even singleness. How could you bless them?
Could you invite them into your own family gathering, or get your kids to send them a card or gift, recognising that they have helped mother your kids too?
Or if a couple your are friends with are going through loss or infertility right now, why not gift them with a meal out to remind them that you haven’t forgotten them today & are standing with them in their struggles?
4. Think before you post
Another way we can all help to make Mother’s Day more inclusive and less difficult for some women is simply by being more mindful of this in our conversations, our comments, and our posts.
Instead of just posting pictures of your kids on Facebook and telling the world how wonderful it is being their mum, why not post a collage of different images of all those who have helped ‘mother’ your kids, or honouring all those women who have been a mother to you in some way? Small gestures speak volumes in reframing the focus of celebrations.
5. Intentionally recognise all ‘mothers’
Finally, why not take this idea one step further this Mother’s Day? Why not plan to intentionally honour all those women who have had any kind of important mothering role in your life this year?
This could include a biological mother, mother-in-law, step mother, adoptive mother, or foster parent, but it could also include friends, teachers, mentors, coaches, and leaders too.
Who has loved you well, or invested into you? Why not claim this calendar date as an opportunity to send them each a gift card or note thanking them for their input in your life over the years and reminding them of how much you value them?
Any more ideas?
That’s just a few pointers to get you started, but there’s really endless ways to honour all of the important women in our lives; both those who find Mother’s Day difficult, and those who find it a joy.
So will you join us in this important conversation?
Together we can begin to move the needle for women who feel marginalised, misunderstood, forgotten or left behind on this calendar date.